I'm experiencing a major philosophical shift related to my theology. I have been a part of the evangelical "christian" communitiy for 25 years and I am done. I am officially no longer going to refer to myself as evangelical (I haven't felt comfortable in that group for a while anyway).
The reasons are manifold. For many of my evangelical friends, you wouldn't understand where I am and why so there is no point in trying to convince you. For many of my NON-evangelical friends, I feel as though I owe you an explanation and an apology.
Having been raised Roman Catholic, I not only believed in God, I actually made an effort. I prayed, attended church, and tried to engage. My christianity has shaped both my morality and my world view. I am thankful for the foundational values that were instilled in me as a catholic and for the awareness of the bible message that developed in my days as an evangelical. However, the more I come to understand the bible, the less I think that evangelicalism reflects the truths and values that live in the pages of the text.
I became an evangelical when a very close friend, who's family attended an evangelical church, invited me to attend. It was exciting, fun, and the people seemed to be extremely passionate and serious about God. I am a passionate person - as you can tell. I don't like to do things halfway and nothing about this group of people I was exposed to seemed halfway.
As the years passed, I dove in with both feet. I got rid of my non-christian music, stopped watching non-christian movies, broke up with my non-christian girlfriend, and ordered my life around the rules and regs that were part of evangelical christianity. If there is anything in life I can do well, it is conform. I fit well in structures and I am not a rebel by nature.
I decided to attend a christian bible college and I am thankful that there I met my wife and that the course of my life would be reshaped by a few key people.
My friend Adam Marquez played an instrumental role in my life by encouraging me to actually THINK about what I believe and why I believe it.
It was at bible college that I started to see some of the chinks in the evangelical armor. I was always left more than a little unsatisfied the many times that I could not reconcile the things I was reading in the bible with what I was seeing in practice in the churches I had been a part of.
I realize that NOTHING is perfect. There is no system out there, if humans are a part of it, that are without flaws. I am just not in a place where I want to align myself with the flaws of evagelicalism any longer.
To my friends and family who I sat in judgment over in those very early days, I am sorry. I was zealous. It is not an excuse but I was operating out of sincere desire to know God and to have you know God as well. I realize now that I was following a form of God created in an evagelical image that is no more reflective of what God is like than any other image that man has created of God. Please forgive me.
I am still seeking God - I am still passionate about knowing God and understanding God's purpose in our lives. I am now trying to do that through a personal journey and expression that does not get bogged down in the trappings of all that is evangelical.
Evangelicalism has become so entrenched in dogma that is associated with self over community, politics, personal well being, etc that is has lost sight of the fact that our greatest example was one of ultimate sacrifice. Our example is of one who chose to humble and empty himself.
How did we get here? Again, that is a long complex issue...but I am jumping off the train. As the evangelical train chugs full steam ahead, I have a very strong sense that there is a bridge up ahead and it is out....
Very interesting post!
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