As my youngest child, Luke, turns 11, I have been contemplating how we help usher our sons and daughters from "boyhood" and "girlhood" to "manhood" and "womanhood." Long gone are the days of "rites of passage" that created a clear line of delineation between being a child and being an adult. In our changing world of technology and community (how we start and maintain relationships), it is increasingly important that we are firmly grounded in the social skillsets that will make us better people.
I want to impart these things to my children. These are in no way exhaustive list, but, they are a start to help build a foundation of creating the kind of young people that our society can be proud of.
Teach them:
Respect
Foundation to all of our human interactions should be a respect for others. Respect breaks down prejudice and gives us the ability to "hear" and to "learn" from others. When you are predisposed to respecting others, you create a space that honors people for who they are regardless of their race, gender, or social status. Respect imparts dignity to others. When you respect others, they are likely to respect you as well.
Humility
I want my children to be great at everything they do. I also want them to exercise humility in all of their actions. Greatness is diminished by arrogance. When you excel, do it with dignity. When you win, do it with class. Never show anyone up. Act like you have been there before.
Kindness
Kindness is a lost art. Being kind is free. If you are kind to others, you will be repaid with kindness.
Excellence
Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Unfortunately, our world is filled with people who have settled for mediocrity - people who are comfortable being average. In your work and in your life, no matter what you do, do it with excellence and you will excel. If you lack intelligence, you can make up for it with an outstanding attitude - let that be your excellence.
Improve
Commit to becoming better. A better student, a better worker, a better man/woman, a better brother/sister, a better son/daughter, etc. So few people commit themselves to being better. Each month of your life pick an area to develop. You could choose to learn a new language, you could choose to learn a musical instrument, you could choose something artistic or to read a book. What you choose is less important than the idea of choosing to improve yourself. Make yourself into a better person for the world around you.
Volunteer
Nothing helps create perspective quite like volunteering with a cause. Whether you engage in a social justice cause, such as eliminating poverty or sex trafficking, or you work with the elderly, serve in a soup kitchen, or help someone learn to read, connecting yourself to something bigger than yourself is the surest way to be well-grounded. So, pick a cause and get to helping!
Integrity
People are all fallible. Even the most noble among us make mistakes. For me, integrity isn't about not making any mistakes - although we should strive to make a few as possible. Integrity is about being the same person publicly as you are privately. I have heard someone say that you can measure your integrity not by what you do when people are watching but by what you do when no one is watching. So, don't cheat or lie or steal - and if you do, own it quickly and accept the consequences.
Vulnerability
I have learned through Brene Brown that the most courageous people are those who are willing to be the most vulnerable. Vulnerability is not something that many do well. But, to the degree that you are willing to be vulnerable you will be able to both give and receive love.
Thankfulness
Count your blessings. No, really, count them, every day. Take a regular inventory of your blessings and live in a conscious awareness of what you have. Take a moment to express your thanks to someone you interact with and thank all of those who help you in the big and small things.
Positive
People want to be around positive people. Have a positive approach to life and you will always have many friends. You will always face challenges. When you have a positive outlook, overcoming those challenges is so much easier. So, be positive.
Besides those overarching things, I hope my son and daughters:
Be honest*
Live healthy
Remember cheap usually costs more in the long run
Always give people the benefit of the doubt
Don't borrow too often
Never lend to a friend - if they need it and you have it - just give it to them
Smile
Be a great friend
Be loyal
Give a firm handshake
Look people in the eye
Smell the roses
If you wouldn't say it to the person, don't say it behind their back
Don't put it on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram if you wouldn't want everyone to see it
*Boys do be honest - BUT your mom, wife, daughter, sister is ALWAYS the most beautiful woman you know and she NEVER looks fat in that outfit.
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